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SoundClick Widgets

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 15:07:46 GMT

New Lazarus Bros bio

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:29:17 GMT

This is the new bio the Lazarus Bros are including in our revised press kit.

The Lazarus Brothers:

Not your average Rock/Reggae/Psychedelic/Fusion/Prog/Blues band
www.myspace.com/thelazarusbrothers
mattchanning@gmail.com
219-613-8390

Personnel:

Kenyatta D: Guitar, Keyboards, Lead Vocal
Matt Channing: Guitar, Keyboards, Vocal
Dave Gore: Bass Guitar, Vocal
Aaron Breford: Drums, Percussion, Vocal
Femi Obateru: Ethnic Percussion

The covers disc you are holding in your hand (or better yet, listening to) only tells a part of our story.
We could tell you it was mostly cut live in our basement hideout deep in the wilds of Munster, Indiana. That would be true.
We could tell you how most of it was done in single takes. That would be true.
We could tell you that we are consummate professionals with a combined total of 250 years of gigging experience. That would also be true.
We could tell you honestly, that we have, as individuals, appeared on stages all over the world, over three continents.
We might mention we’re hard at work on an album of all original material. True again.
We could tell you we have a brilliant manager who has been getting us booked all over Northwest Indiana.

That would be total, utter crap.

You see…despite our combined experience, we are very much a new band, and the disc you are holding in your hand (or better yet, listening to) has never been heard by anybody.

We are both hardened veterans and an unknown quantity…

We are both dedicated family men and virtuosic stage beasts…

We are, in actuality, the best band you’ve never heard in your life…

And we are currently booking for summer, fall and winter shows.

Please enjoy the disc. We look forward to hearing from you!

D
Matt
Dave
Aaron
Femi

--The Lazarus Brothers.

To the shrink part 2

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:15:36 GMT

To the shrink, part 2
Current mood: breezy
Category: Life

Well, the three hour long screening at Southlake seems to reinforce the notion that I am bipolar. How severely, and whether or not there is something else going on, remains to be seen.

However, the psychologist who perfomed the screening told me that I am definitely bipolar, and reccomended a course that includes both medication and talk therapies.

I have my first talk session next Thursday, and my medication evaluation the following Tuesday.

I'm a little relieved, in a way. I have a second diagnosis reinforcing the one made by Dr. Cross back in 1999.

In the meanwhile, the sun is out for the first time in days! I don't care if it's 40 below outside. The sun! The sun! I'm goin' out for a walk...!

To the shrink

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:14:43 GMT

Totheshrinktotheshrinktotheshrinkshrinkshrink...
Current mood: anxious
Category: Life

Today I go to the Southlake Mental Health Center in Merrillville to get re-evaluated.

Am I bipolar? Autistic? ...or just an asshole...?

To be continued...

Thoughts on the writers' strike

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:13:54 GMT

Lamentably, the writer’s strike is over
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Well, it looks like the writer's strike will be winding down, and Hollwood can get back to making that quality programming that enriches our lives.

I mean, who could possibly go on living a normal, healthy existence without fresh episodes of Desperate Housewives, Two and a Half Men, and Drawn Together...

I know I've been having steady and unending withdrawal symptoms, being unable to get my weekly fix of According to Jim...

But, not to worry. Soon all will be well, and the aroma of freshly ground hooey will be again pumping out of the magic box and into our dens and living rooms.

The movies will be back on schedule, too. I mean, who can't wait to plunk down ten dollars to sit through the upcoming slate of innovation and originality coming from Tinseltown! Will it be another Die Hard sequel, or will Bruce Willis be earning his bread and butter in some other lunkheaded right-wing bilge machine? And who isn't just dying to see what steaming turd-du-jour Michael Bay will be squeezing out for summer...?

And of course, the writer's strike ends just in time for everyone's favorite midwinter craptacular--The Oscar telecast....

Is it a coincidence that the strike ends just in time for the this annual group rectum-suck?

The Oscars are nothing more than an effort by a community of greedy narcissists to convince the world (and more importantly, themselves) that they are also serious artitsts.

It is Hollwood's way of saying, "Hey! Out of the 500 shallow, moronic, trite, violent movies we churned out this year, we made a handful of shallow, moronic, trite, violent movies that sucked only slightly less than the rest!"

They have the looks, they have the power, and they have my money.

Now...they want a pat on the back....

How sad....

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:12:32 GMT

My humble advice...
Current mood: cantankerous

Whenever I'm working at the bookstore, and see a parent with an obnoxious child, it makes me want to go over to them, put my arm around their shoulder and offer these simple words of advice:

STOP FUCKING!!!!!!

That's right. Stop fucking. Everytime you fuck, one of these little demon-posessed troll dolls comes out, making life hard for you, me, and every other unfortunate soul unlucky enough to come into even casual contact with you.
Would it have killed you to use a condom every once in a while...?

Until you can guarantee you will fuck responsibly, won't have anymore children, or will at least keep the little freaks locked up in your house, you have lost your fucking priveleges.

That's right--priveleges. Fucking is a privelege, like driving. You drive like an asshole, and they take your lisence away. Fucking should be the same way. You unleash a holy-terror-in-training-pants on the world, you wear a genital cuff...

Remember folks, seminal material is more dangerous than plutonium!!!

If you must fuck, fuck responsibly!

Bad news/good news

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:11:44 GMT

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Bad news/Good news
Current mood: Almost done!
Category: Almost done! Jobs, Work, Careers

Good news--CHTC assignment ends tomorrow

Bad news--New assignment has been pushed back a week to 2/18

Good news--Kelly is doing the right thing and paying me for the week they accidentally screwed me out of.

I'm grateful for the week's respite and to Kelly for doing the right thing.

Oh, Crystal, Princess of Irony

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:10:43 GMT

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Oh, Crystal, Princess of Irony...
Current mood: oh-so-ready-to-get-the-fuck-outta-there!
Category: oh-so-ready-to-get-the-fuck-outta-there! Jobs, Work, Careers

My assignment at Cancer Health Treatment Center was due to come to an end on the 15th of this month.

It will be coming to an end a week sooner because Kelly has found me a better assignment closer to the bookstore that starts on the 11th.

It's still in a medical office, but I get to use more of my skills and will be contracted for six months, rather than on a week-to-week basis while the powers-that-be try to figure out how to hire someone just smart enough to do their job while being just dumb enough to tolerate my boss.

And it will pay about 30% more than CHTC...

And speaking of my boss, Crystal just continues to be her lovable self...

Today, she told me that when I start my new job, to not correct my superiors when they mispronounce a word or patient name.

"That's rude," she said.

This from the woman who disciplined subordinates in front of patients, impugned my religious beliefs and extolled the advantages of fucking while pregnant in beyond-clinical terms at the top of her considerable lungs.

Friday cannot come soon enough...

Performing and composing

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:09:28 GMT

Performing and composing
Category: Music

I went and saw my friend Bill's band, Flychild, at Jalapeno's last night. I could only stay for a set, since money is tight right now, and because I haven't been sleeping like a well man should, but...

It made me itch to get Lazarus Brothers out there again. We're an adventurous, tight, mature, MUSICAL band, and we deserve to be heard.

I've been writing new stuff, and am looking forward to trying it out on an audience.

During those two hours on stage, I don't feel like an outsider.

During those two hours on stage, I feel like an expert at something.

During those two hours on stage, every chromasome and membrane, every molecule and every cell feels like it's being used for the purpose for which God created it.

During those two hours on stage, everything fits and makes sense.

During those two hours on stage, I don't feel like my brain is being pan-fried in mercury.

It makes me feel like Captain Kirk or Batman...

Autistic

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:08:28 GMT

Autisitic
Current mood: overstimulated
Category: Life

The more and more I think about it, I might be autistic.

I'm not joking.

I prefer to keep to myself.

I have 'tics' that are involuntary, such as scratching the back of my head vigorously for no apparrent reason.

I talk to myself and 'stim' by repeating phrases or actions in a semi-ritualistic manner.

I feel greatly uncomfortable, and can becomed downright hostile, when the routines that give my life shape and meaning disappear or merely change.

I lack the internal sensor that dictates proper public behavior. While this has improved somewhat, I can still be counted on to say 'random' things for no reason that tend to shock or offend. In fact, when I was in middle school, our principal asked my dad and stepmother if I had any kind of cognitive disability, specifically due to my asking him a question that he found, if not inappropriate, at least surreal. I don't recall what the question was, but I got an earful from my father about 'making off-wall-comments'. It embarrassed him, but he never wondered if there might be a bigger problem.

I have difficulty maintaining focus when I am surrounded by large amounts of outside chaos. It's not that I can't multi-task. I can, but I find it easier to do when I'm not surrounded by people yelling, the radio going, and other forms of environmental noise. It's not that I can't handle pressure or deadlines. Of course I can, but I find it easier to do when I'm by myself, getting into my little go-zone and making things happen. And it's not that I can't handle stress. My life is no less stressful than anybody else's. I work two jobs. I watch my brother's kids. I work to pay my bills on time, and worry about everything everybody else does. It's like I'm being inundated by everythhing outside of my head, and I can't figure out what to shut out and what to focus on.

By the end of the day, I want no noise, no input, and nobody asking me a million questions. Or a thousand. Or a hundred, or ten or one.

I beg for quiet. Some nights I don't want to read, pop in a DVD or even play my guitar.

I want to sit with headphones on, but with nothing pumping into them.

I want everything to shut the fuck up and leave me alone....

Cats and Dogs

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:07:01 GMT

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Cats and Dogs!
Category: Pets and Animals

The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Doin's and happenin's 1/08

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:05:26 GMT

Doin’s and happenin’s 1/08
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Life

First off, I turned 40 on January 12. My sister and brother-in-law came down from Michigan, and my friends Katherine and Beth came down from Evanston.

There was a nice get-together at my brother's house. K, B and Maddey and I all played Uno, using M's deck that she got from me for Christmas.

My present from the fam--the purple tuxedo shown in my most recent photos.

When I was 4, I was a ring-bearer in a wedding. I was fitted for a rented tuxedo and loved wearing it. At the tender age of 4 I did not understand what it was to rent something and was in tears over having to give it back.

So I asked for a purple tuxedo for that Christmas. One did not arrive. More tears.

My 5th birthday came. No purple tuxedo. More tears...

Time went on, and eventually I stopped giving a damn about clothes at all, let alone a fancy purple tux.

Imagine my delight and surprise when I opened the box to find a purple tux.

My mom, bless her heart, told me she ordered something for me from guitarcenter.com. The package arrived today. It was not one, not two, but three effects pedals!

A Jim Dunlop Cry Baby wha to replace my worn-out ten-year-old Morley Bad Horsie...

...a Boss Super Overdrive to replace my worn-out-but-not-classic Ibanez Tube Screamer...

...and a Boss Chromatic Tuner for tuning quietly mid-song, so as to avoid the unpleasantness that happened during "Purple Haze" at our last gig.

Sa-weet.

In other news, I FINALLY made the time to set up an appointment at Southlake Mental Health Center to have my bipolarity reevaluated and possibly rediagnosed. I've been not dealing with it long enough where it is probably necessary.

The appointment is for 2/12 at 3:00 pm. I look forward to it.

My temp job at Cancer Health Treatment Center might finally be winding down. The crucial 4th office secretary was hired, and was introduced around the office by Crystal, my immediate supervisor, as the New File Clerk.

As ambivalent as I am about actually working there, I'm really miffed that no-one talked with me further about the possibility of permanent employment. I was asked about two months ago, and the answer was yes, provided we could agree on an hourly wage.

The next thing I know, I'm being introduced to Shannon, who is a nice enough girl against whom I hold no grudge, and being informed she is the New File Clerk. She was looking for a job and found one. Good for her.

But during the past six months:

I was trained in the intracacies of the Center's file system.

I was praised for my abilities and work ethic.

I was constantly asked by the rest of the staff when the powers that be would just relent and hire me on permanently, proving that I was earn the respect and affection of the doctors, nurses, NP's and lab technicians.

I was repeatedly asked to remain after the completion date for the assignment would arrive. I've worked there for six months on a week-to-week basis.

AND, I gracefully endured a constant daily shitstorm from Crystal, my supervisor. She continuously made my personal life grist for public discussion, disciplined me in front of staff and patients, amused herself by lecturing me and the rest of the office staff about the various and sundry virtues of sex during pregnancy, and impugned my religious beliefs by questioning me about them during regular office hours.

And now, after six months of earning the respect of the staff, doing my job better than anybody being paid $9.00 should, and daily showing of grace under pressure--they hire around me.

Never asked if I still wanted the job.

Never asked how much I'd want an hour ( a modest amount I can assure you. I don't care about anything other than paying my bills and saving a little money).

So--it looks like here in about 2 weeks, I'll be able to start suffering and write that symphony...

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 18:18:32 GMT

Gratitude
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Every time I think about my lousy job, I remember the people who have no job at all.

Every time I think about my monthly struggle to pay the rent, I remember the guys in the city sleeping on sewer grates.

Every time I spend my $20.00/week food budget, I try to remember the half of the world living on less than $2.00/day.

Every time I listen to the people in my life lament that I frequently spend holidays in solitude, I remember that solitude is different from being alone. There are people in the world who are truly alone, who have nobody to care about them. I have many who do, I'm just don't happen to be in the same room with them.

Whenever I hear some pundit, politician or stupid-ass country singer crowing about how great the United States is, I remember that God is greater, and that we will all have a lot of explaining to do one day.

I also try to remember average everyday men, women and children, none of them the terrorist animals the Bush administration and its brown-nosers at Fox News want us to think of them as, all of whom desire their own version of a happy life, dying so you and I can kid ourselves how great we are.

(A few of you are reading this and saying, "Well, Matt, it's war..."

To which I say, "Be grateful you're not pulling your own dead child from the rubble of what used to be your house while some ignorant, overfed, spoiled moron half a world away says the same thing.")

Every time I think about Ann Coulter, Dinesh D'Souza, Bill O'Reilly, Glen Beck, et al, I remember that being a Christian does not necessarily make a person good.

I also wonder how grateful they are for all the people in the world who have yet to catch on that they have no real or meaningful insight, expertise, or talent in anything.

Every time I think about Donald Trump, I imagine him digging through a dumpster, not for his Visa check card, but for food, clothing and shelter.

Every time I hear Lou Dobbs railing against illegal immigrants, I'm grateful for my own dumb luck I was born here, white, protestant and male, and with a fair amount of intelligence and talent.

How does that really make me any better than the intelligent, talented person who lacked the good fortune to be born a few more miles north, and with the correct position on the pigmentation flow chart?

I wonder if he considers the implications of his statements. Who should be more entitled to citizenship, the lazy, ignorant twit who was merely lucky enough to be born here, or the guy who's willing to risk everything for the mere chance to work like a dog doing the jobs the lazy, ignorant twit won't do, for a tenth of the pay?

Aren't these anti-immigration guys the same guys who are also anti-affirmative action because it doesn't distribute rewards based on merit?

Let's face it--150 million of us (give or take) are living the lives we lead (and bitching about it), ONLY because we were lucky enough that our parents chose to get drunk and busy in the back seat of the Vista Cruiser north of the Rio Grande, rather than south of it.

Who merits the reward? Those who work the hardest? Or the white people who were born here?

I am grateful for bigots like Lou Dobbs because his hypocritical tirades remind me that those who enjoy the perks of our society, like the Dobbses, Coulters, D'Souzas, O'Reillies and Becks of the world, are not necessarily the people who deserve, understand or appreciate them.

I am left constantly asking the nagging internal question, "Do I really deserve this?"

I'm not thrilled with the answer.....

Well, duh.....(repost from NWT)

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 13:37:58 GMT

Study Links Drop in Test Scores to a Decline in Time Spent Reading

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By MOTOKO RICH
Published: November 19, 2007

Harry Potter, James Patterson and Oprah Winfrey's book club aside, Americans — particularly young Americans — appear to be reading less for fun, and as that happens, their reading test scores are declining. At the same time, performance in other academic disciplines like math and science is dipping for students whose access to books is limited, and employers are rating workers deficient in basic writing skills.
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Publications From the National Endowment for the Arts

That is the message of a new report being released today by the National Endowment for the Arts, based on an analysis of data from about two dozen studies from the federal Education and Labor Departments and the Census Bureau as well as other academic, foundation and business surveys. After its 2004 report, "Reading at Risk," which found that fewer than half of Americans over 18 read novels, short stories, plays or poetry, the endowment sought to collect more comprehensive data to build a picture of the role of all reading, including nonfiction.

In his preface to the new 99-page report Dana Gioia, chairman of the endowment, described the data as "simple, consistent and alarming."

Among the findings is that although reading scores among elementary school students have been improving, scores are flat among middle school students and slightly declining among high school seniors. These trends are concurrent with a falloff in daily pleasure reading among young people as they progress from elementary to high school, a drop that appears to continue once they enter college. The data also showed that students who read for fun nearly every day performed better on reading tests than those who reported reading never or hardly at all.

The study also examined results from reading tests administered to adults and found a similar trend: The percentage of adults who are proficient in reading prose has fallen at the same time that the proportion of people who read regularly for pleasure has declined.

Three years ago "Reading at Risk," which was based on a study by the Census Bureau in 2002, provoked a debate among academics, publishers and others, some of whom argued that the report defined reading too narrowly by focusing on fiction, poetry and drama. Others argued that there had not been as much of a decline in reading as the report suggested.

This time the endowment did not limit its analysis to so-called literary reading. It selected studies that asked questions about "reading for fun" or "time spent reading for pleasure," saying that this could refer to a range of reading materials.

"It's no longer reasonable to debate whether the problem exists," said Sunil Iyengar, director of research and analysis for the endowment. "Let's not nitpick or wrangle over to what extent is reading in decline."

In an interview Mr. Gioia said that the statistics could not explain why reading had declined, but he pointed to several commonly accepted culprits, including the proliferation of digital diversions on the Internet and other gadgets, and the failure of schools and colleges to develop a culture of daily reading habits. In addition, Mr. Gioia said, "we live in a society where the media does not recognize, celebrate or discuss reading, literature and authors."

In seeking to detail the consequences of a decline in reading, the study showed that reading appeared to correlate with other academic achievement. In examining the average 2005 math scores of 12th graders who lived in homes with fewer than 10 books, an analysis of federal Education Department statistics found that those students scored much lower than those who lived in homes with more than 100 books. Although some of those results could be attributed to income gaps, Mr. Iyengar noted that students who lived in homes with more than 100 books but whose parents only completed high school scored higher on math tests than those students whose parents held college degrees (and were therefore likely to earn higher incomes) but who lived in homes with fewer than 10 books.

The new report also looked at data from the workplace, including a survey that showed nearly three-quarters of employers who were polled rated "reading comprehension" as "very important" for workers with two-year college degrees, and nearly 90 percent of employers said so for graduates of four-year colleges. Better reading skills were also correlated with higher income.

In an analysis of Education Department statistics looking at eight weekly income brackets, the data showed that 7 percent of full-time workers who scored at levels deemed "below basic" on reading tests earned $850 to $1,149 a week, the fourth-highest income bracket, while 20 percent of workers who had scored at reading levels deemed "proficient" earned such wages.

The new report is likely to provoke as much debate as the previous one. Stephen Krashen, a professor emeritus of education at the University of Southern California, said that based on his analysis of other data, reading was not on the decline. He added that the endowment appeared to be exaggerating the decline in reading scores and said that according to federal education statistics, the bulk of decreases in 12th-grade reading scores had occurred in the early 1990s, and that compared with 1994 average reading scores in 2005 were only one point lower.

Timothy Shanahan, past president of the International Reading Association and a professor of urban education and reading at the University of Illinois at Chicago, suggested that the endowment's report was not nuanced enough. "I don't disagree with the N.E.A.'s notion that reading is important, but I'm not as quick to discount the reading that I think young people are really doing," he said, referring to reading on the Internet. He added, "I don't think the solutions are as simple as a report like this might be encouraging folks to think they might be."

Link to Original NWT article:

www.nytimes.com/2007/11/19/arts/19nea.html?_r=1&th&emc=th&oref=slogin

Mental Brain Thoughts

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 06:10:55 GMT

Mental brain thoughts

Here's what I think about when fighting the urge to walk off my day job...

*************************************************

"America is a great country because you can say anything you want as long as you don't mean it..."

---David Mamet, American playwright, filmmaker and essayist

It seems many people I run into these days think they can say just about anything they want to anybody they please, as long as they end their sentence with the words "just kidding".

To wit:

"Tony, you smell so bad, you could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon (just kidding)..."

What the fuck is that? Does anybody really think the addition of two little words really negates or renders opposite everything leading up to them?

Here's what I would say if I were helping Tony write his dialogue:

"Gwyneth, I sincerely thank you for your compliment. And might I say I find your company anything but one long slog through a temporal quagmire, and that each successive word eminating from your mouth is infinitely more tantalizing than the next.

"Furthermore, Gwyneth, allow me to express my admiration for the kindness, honesty and compassion you show to everyone you meet in your day-to-day life. May I also point out that when a person's romantic habits are discussed, you are never mentioned except as a paragon of utter virtue. In fact, everyone is always very complimentary of your personal vaginal hygiene.

"Just kidding...."

*****************************************

I don't like to watch football for the same reason I don't like to watch gay porn...

**************************************************

I stare at my boss really hard on the off chance I can make her head explode....

*************************************************

All the imminent TV writers' strike really means is that the really good writers among them can start suffering and write that novel they all just know they have in them.

The rest of us get to stop being a nation of voyeurs.

*******************************************

Sexual Harrassment:

My drooling stegosaurus of a boss testifying about how sensitive her nipples get during pregnancy sex, in the front office, in earshot of not only other employees, but patients as well...

***********************************************

Companies who use office temps should stop telling those temps they're "family" or that they consider them to be "one of our own".

We're not. And they don't.

If the above were really the case, the temp would be permanent, and enjoy a decent wage and health plan.

What they really mean is:

"Tony, we want you to know that even though you're only a temp, we regard you as family, and one of our own (just kidding)."

******************************************

Any hair gel that ends up in your hair completely by accident should be called Serendipity-do....

*************************************************

The music of Kenny G is for people who would go to the Louvre to admire the wallpaper...

********************************************

If Gilgamesh and Flash Gordon had an illegitimate child, it would be Star Wars.

*****************************************

The Scarlet Letter becomes a lot more interesting when you figure it's about a bunch of nosey, judgemental, puritanical, Christian hypocrites who can't seem to mind their own business...

*********************************************

A short history of the American Presidency:

Washington: Couldn't tell a lie.

Nixon: Couldn't tell the truth.

Bush: Couldn't tell the difference.

***************************************************

When certain people discover I'm a Quaker, and discover that it means, among other things, nonviolent response to conflict, the question is invariably asked:

"What if someone held a gun to your child's head?"

To which I usually respond:

"So....does this happen to you frequently...?"

************************************************

To the Coulters, O' Reillys, Ingrahams, Krauthammers, D'Souzas and Limbaughs out there:

Shut the fuck up and enlist.

BS at B&N

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 05:26:32 GMT

Work retail? Work retail in a bookstore...?

Hopefully you can identify....

These are the people, not limited to customers, I would like to see dropped screaming from a helicopter...

...directly into the blades of another helicopter situated right below it.

1. Anybody who calls the store during store hours, waits for the salesperson who answers to say, "Store X, employee Y speaking. How can I help you?" and then asks, "Yeah...are you open..?"

2. Employees who answer the phone and then deflect the call to another employee so they don't have to deal with it, no matter how busy the other employee might be with customers of his or her own, and no matter how easily satisfied the demand of the customer on the phone.

3. Customers who talk on their cell phones when the store employee at the register is trying to ring up their sale. I don't talk on my cell phone when I'm assisting them, so the least these people could do is show me the same consideration.

4. Customers who respond to a bar code on an item failing to scan by offering the quip, "It must be free, then." It wasn't funny the first time I heard it, nor in the subsequent five hundred times I've heard it since, but, who knows, THIS TIME might be charm...

5. People who ask, "What do you mean by 'out of print'?". By 'out of print', I mean OUT OF PRINT! Which word of the three is giving you the problem? Where's a sock full of shit when I need one...?

6. Anyone, but especially employees, who asks me where the nonfiction section is. EVERYTHING THAT ISN'T MADE UP IS NONFICTION! Cookbooks, auto repair manuals, bibles, self-improvement, current affairs, are ALL NONFICTION. Basically, if it's not a novel or a short story, IT'S NONFICTION! Therefore, the nonfiction section covers three quarters of the store...

...which brings me to--

7. Similarly, anyone, but especially employees, who asks me where the 'how-to' books are. 'How -to'...? 'How-to' what..? Bake a casserole...? Repair a lawnmower...? Give her the mind-bending oral sex she craves but is unable to tell you about...?

8. University students who come in looking for their school textbooks:

a) expecting me to be able to find what they need by presenting me with a piece of paper that has class names, but no actual book titles or names of authors.
b) and freak when I tell them that their book, full to brimming with licensed material, and published by a small press in limited quantities, with no marketable value outside a small, very specialized group, will cost them $120.00
c)and are puzzled when this expensive book geared toward a small, highly specialized audience is not in stock and will have to be ordered. Replace puzzlement with shock and panic if the young Einstein in question has waited til the day before class to go textbook shopping.

9. University professors who require students to read a book that is now out of print, don't bother to see if it's still in print, and then tell their students they can buy it from us. Jump to number 5.

10. High school students who come in on Sunday evening to procure a book they need to have read by Monday morning. It's usually something that can't be read in an evening, like The Scarlet Letter, Oliver Twist, or The Sound and the Fury.

11. The same students, who, when discovering that we have sold all of our copies of said book (to other adenoidal uber-twits who have also waited until the last possible moment to begin work) behave as if their waiting til the last minute was somehow my fault. And my problem.

12. Parents who come into the store on their student's behalf, and ask for a classic like they (or anybody else) never heard of it before--"Do you have a book called The Scarlet Letter?" Or, my favorite--"Do you have a book called Beowulf? It's a poem."

Well, thank you, Professor Tolkien!!

There is no excuse for this. Even if a person has never read any of these books, anyone educated in a public high school should at least be aware that they exist and know what they are.

13. Anybody who buys self-improvement literature, Christian inspirational material, or religious fiction and confuses it with writing that has actual literary merit.

14. People who buy books by pundits critical of Islam, Christianity or the theory of evolution when they can just as easily buy a copy of the Koran, the Bible, or Origins of Species and make up their own minds.

15. Anyone who asks me "Do you work here?" when I'm STANDING BEHIND THE FUCKING COUNTER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I work here...? No, Jethro, I'm just here behind the counter because I'm trying to hide the dessicated corpse of the employee I shanked while trying to steal their name tag...

If this didn't really happen, and frequently, then I wouldn't be bringing it up.

16. Anyone who orders a venti double-half-decaf-lowfat-espresso-with-a-shot-of-vanilla. If a person makes something this complicated out of something as simple as ordering a cup of coffee, I shudder to think about how that person might behave if forced to deal with something that really is complex.

17. Any of these Pinhead Yuppie Deluxes who make a coffee order like the one mentioned above, and become upset when the barrista doesn't get it exactly right. Not the barrista's fault, Mr. Mizrahi. It's yours for wanting something so needlessly specific, so pointlessly involved, and ultimately, as fruity as the moist, wistful, winsome, far-away look in the eyes of Sean Hannity whenever he says the words "Ronald Reagan".

18. The babbling Mousketeers who give their coffee orders to the barristas as step-by-step instructions. Okay, Keanu, what now? Do I cut the green or the red wire...? (Thanks, Elena!)

19. Slack-jawed, vacant-eyed blond-haired teenage boys who come in looking for Mein Kampf.

More later.....

Raise, review and etc...

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 16:53:42 GMT

I was given my performance review at B&N yesterday, and it went pretty much how I thought it was going to.

This is a good thing. I had a feeling it would be a good review and that I would get a raise. There were no surprises, except for that my raise was about twice as much an hour more than I was expecting.

It's still not a lot, but now, if I were to be scheduled 35-40 hours a week, I could officially squeak by every month with it as my sole means of financial support, provided nothing major happens, and provided I don't spend any money frivolously.

Not that I intend to merely squeak by, however....

The search for a really good, well-paying day job continues. I just don't have to worry quite so much about where rent is going to come from.

We've started actively looking for gigs. The four song cover demo is finished, and we've begun shopping it around.

More as it develops.

Bringing it all back home

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 17:54:05 GMT

Bringing you all up to date
Category: Life

I don't post nearly as often as I should.

What can I say....life gets hectic...?

I'm technically still unemployed, or underemployed anyway. Money is tight, but there is a roof over my head, a guitar to play, music to write, food on the table and gas in my recently-completely-paid-for-car.

I'm going to Quaker Meeting in Valpo every Sunday morning, and have been researching some short-term outreach projects our small but feisty group could do to help the people in our community who don't have any of the things I mentioned above.

The Lazarus Brothers keep chugging along. This afternoon I'll be dropping off some low-budget, hastily prepared promo paks to various establishments that might book us.

I'm writing new pop songs for the band, and dusting off some old ones that have never been played live. Demos will be posted on this page, finished band recordings on the Lazarus Brothers'.

On the more experimental front, I am writing the music for a dance piece called Spirit of the Baobab Tree, in collaboration with the DancExcel group in Gary. It's going to be very fun.

Music for that will be posted here as well, in various stages of completion.

Splurged a little and bought a book about care and feeding of a Fender Strat, to avoid having to pay $30.00 every time I want the intonation or neck alignment adjusted, or to fix the wear and tear caused by restringing improperly, and the flat-out abuse experience by any guitar unfortunate enough to be played by me.

The job hunt continues apace. Kelly provided me with a low-paying temp filing job, which ended a week ago. Supposedly they have a $15.00/hour situation out at the BP plant in Whiting. It was supposed to start this week, but apparently they've hit some kind of snag.

A couple of weeks ago, I interviewed at a nonprofit called Geminus, which provides logistical support for various county agencies in the area where I live. I'd be pretty much doing what I did for Avery, but for more money and a benefits package. I have been told to expect a call for a second interview. I've been keeping in touch with them to make sure they don't forget me.

In the meanwhile, I've ended up working about twenty extra hours at the bookstore this week, in addition. It's nice because the extra dough will come in helpful, and put me in the good graces of Joe, our new assistant store manager. It's also nice to work when Elena is there.

Ah, Elena....

What can I write about her here that wouldn't embarrass her if she were to read this...

Well...she's kind, clever, perceptive, thoughtful, demonstrative, serious-but-never-solemn, and extremely easy on my eyes.

She is also the single funniest person I know, and even in the context of a serious talk, I can be guaranteed at least one genuine from-the-depths-of-my-soul guffaw. :D

We seem to be on the same page as far as all the fundamentally important stuff goes, and when she does something as simple as hold my hand, it feels like she has always known the right way how....

This is where I stop. She is also, thankfully, intensely private.

As am I, about the really important things...

...which kind of explains why I haven't been posting much recently....

Aftermath

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 22:02:33 GMT

Well, my final Avery check has been deposited, and I will have barely enough to cover rent, food, gas and my next to last installment loan payment

However, Barnes and Noble has been very generous with extra hours, and while this doesn't even begin to remotely make up for lost Avery wages, it does help considerably. Those incoming checks will help me pay my last loan payment and phone and electric bills.

I have applied at Adecco, another temp service, where I learned it is possible in some instances to qualify for unemployment bennies, even if still "employed" by an agency. I was laid off, through no fault of my own, and Kelly has so far, found nothing to take the place of the Avery job. I have a feeling Indiana department of labor might see things my way.

I have dropped my resume off at Manpower, and will call them tomorrow to set up an appointment.

I have a number of resumes and applications out, most for stopgap types of employment, but today took the first steps toward finding something substantial.

I went to the office of Indiana Workforce Development, where I applied for unemployment, and began using their resources to connect with a decent job. I will be back every day until I find something.

There is a possibility of working temporarily for Kelly in their Merrillville office, but that has yet to materialize. Keeping the fingers crossed.

I have left one followup call to Avery re: the store room clerk position, and will follow it up again tomorrow, until I am absolutely positive it won't pan out.

I am also taking the opportunity to hunt for grant money to fund some of my compositions. It would be nice to perhaps have the next year financed by grant monies, and only work part time while working on some projects, including Spirit of the Baobab Tree, my Mass, and the student choral and string works.

With my next paycheck, I am opening a regular savings account, and putting 10% of every paycheck into it, in order to combat against this kind of situation in the future.

I never want to go through this again.

A loser looks at 40...

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 14:49:00 GMT

My name is Matt, and I'm a loser...

I'm almost 40, and don't have a penny saved.

I've been laid off after a year and a half on nonstop work making a bunch of people, who don't care if I live or die, rich.

I live alone, which works for me fine except for when it doesn't.

I'm broke, unemployed and turning 40.

I have no prospects.

All of this would be bearable if there was a woman in my life who loved me.

But I am old, grey, overwheight, weird and unnatractive.

And lonely and scared out of my mind.

Work filibuster!

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 14:25:55 GMT

Avery Dennison, the company for which I have been working, is laying off my entire department.

The announcement was made rather abrubptly Wednesday afternoon, that Procter and Gamble, the company with whom Avery had partnered on this projects in which we were engaged, decided to part company with Avery and take its business elsewhere.

The news took everybody by surprise, including Avery's management. They had ordered and were taking delivery on more modular buildings for additional work space. They had just hired three new process technicians, and had hired one of the lab's own, Clinton Mosier, to be one of the new C-11 Coater Press operators. Plans were underway to drain the swamp next door and build a new factory devoted completely to the product we were prototyping and testing.

After a day of waiting to see how the phase-out would take shape, I was told I could work through Sunday, after which I could leave my lab and gate keys, as well as my time card in my mail slot. To that end, I am working around the clock, shifts at the bookstore notwithstanding, to cram in as many hours as possible. If I budget my time correctly, I will be able to complete the week with 80 hours. The layoff has left me in something of a bind over paying my rent, electric bill, car payment, and outstanding short-term installment loan. Let's not forget such petty annoyances as food and gas...

The Barnes and Noble gig will help with some of this, but even working 40 hours a week there will not cover my living expenses on a mere $7.75 per hour. And that's making the unlikely assumption they will schedule me or any other hourly worker more than 35. Right now, they've got me scheduled for about 66 hours over the next three weeks.

There is plenty to do here at the lab before Sunday, however, finishing the filing, double checking file binders to make sure everything conforms to how Procter and Gamble want the files organized, doing the last bit of data entry, once the final tests are completed (if the remainder of the lab staff shows up). I am also going to organize, sweep, dust and clean.

I could very easily stretch out the last bits of work through the next two days...:D

Jeff, my supervisor here at the plant, was almost in tears. He had been having to axe each and every one of us in the testing lab. He is also of the distinct opinion he will not be working for Avery much longer.

I tried to put myself in his shoes, imagining what it would feel like to call each of his employees, people I knew he genuinely valued and respected, how much longer they would have until they were no longer needed.

He did tell me he thought I was the best at what I did, and that he would be delighted to give me a good reference. Alyssa, his assistant, echoed his sentiments.

It's amazing how everybody's attitude toward their work changed once we all got the news. Naturally, their desire to do anything was made null by the layoff news. People, myself included, really started taking their time seeing to it that duties were carried out. For me it was a little less pronounced, seeing that I actually had more to do, and would be struggling to complete everything before my zero-hour, especially if I had to wait for the remaining test results before entering them into the database.

It's almost 9:00 on Saturday morning , and so far, I'm the only one here. I've started the remaining spreadsheets for the test data I'm expecting will come my way eventually, once a few other people arrive to work on the material.

The radio is off, nobody is here, and all I hear is the sound of fingers clicking on a keyboard.

It makes me a little depressed, thinking about the overtime I put in over the last year in order to meet deadlines, and keep the P/G people happy. When I think about all the weekends and evenings spent here, believing I was going the extra mile to 'get 'er done' for people who I thought appreciated it, my heart sinks. If I'd known it was going to end this way, I would have spent less time here, and more time working on music, getting my curriculum vitae out to people who might pay me to use my talents, and putting my resume out to find a better, more permanent job.

What's worse, is that it seems I'm the only one working in the lab who will not be taking anything of any intrinsic worth from here.

Friendships were made, but not with me. Some of us found love, but I will be going home to an empty apartment.

Steve and Jake discovered they both love to drink, and have become fast drinking buddies. Doug and Juan bonded over baseball, beer, and being single dads.

Clare and Sharon shared solace in being the only sensible middle-aged women in the building.

Alyssa and Clinton found each other, and got engaged. Greg and Carrie have finally left any pretense of being 'just friends' behind, and in the last couple of days, have been open in their affection, holding hands, sneaking smooches, and disappearing numerous times for surreptitious office quickies.

I even think Juan and Andrea have at least buddy-fucked twice, though I can't be sure...

...and it's ultimately none of my business.

None of my business....I thought I could get by, if I kept people at a polite professional distance, kept my own counsel, did my job and minded my own business. Well, I did that, and here I am...

We're all jobless now, but at least some of us made meaningful connections.

I just worked a lot.

I know that most of these connections won't last, but they exist now, and that might be all that counts.

In the meanwhile, while everyone else has been panicking, disappearing for hours at a time and fucking like bunnies, I've been putting my irons in the fire.

I called my lender on my car. I'm golden until the middle of the month. If things do not improve I'm to call him to make further arrangements.

I applied for another opening with Avery in a different department. Technically, if I get the job I'll be a new hire because all of my work this past year and a half has been for Avery through Kelly Services.

I contacted Kelly the minute after the news broke. They are now putting feelers out for me. There is a chance I might be working in the Kelly office.

I applied with Addeco, the agency most of the testers were working through, and have an appointment scheduled for sometime next week.

Barnes and Noble have committed to giving me as many hours as they can. I could end up working as many as 30 per week.

I will have ended my last week at Avery with 75-80 hours, making paying my rent a real possibility. I bargained with my land lady to extend my grace period through the 8th.

Tomorrow I will call the phone company and my car insurance company to ask that my automatic bill payment dates be moved to further into the month, in order to alloow my rent check to clear.

It is my hope that by that time, I will have a new Kelly assignment, or have made significant progress on a new full-time job.

There is no possibility of my collecting unemployment because I had contracted to Avery through a temp agency. Bugger....

The computer is telling me I need to restart my computer because it has received updates.

More later.

NEWS FLASH--THE 80's SUCKED!!

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 18:44:35 GMT

I'm a little flabbergasted when I hear people wax nostalgic for the '80's.

Speaking as someone who was actually there, and actually paying attention, I don't think there's anything to be nostalgic about.

The clothes and hairstyles were as ugly in their own way as those of the '70's, the '90's and the current decade were/are in theirs.

The music was lightweight and airheaded, and almost without exception (the Police spring to mind) completely lacking in invention.

Television sucked then, but it has always sucked and will continue to suck until something else rises up to continue sucking in its place (my guess is it will be video games...)

Let's take a look at the events that shaped the decade in question:

The Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. The CIA covertly gave money, training and guns to the Afghani insurgents. You might have heard of them, a quaint little group of extremists known as the Taliban, among them a young turk named Osama Bin Laden. And yes, we knew how brutal they were, and that they didn't much care for us.

America began its love affair with Saddam Hussein, who gleefully accepted U.S. money, weaponry and training during Iraq's war with Iran. I think it's helpful to remember that before Saddam became the symbol for All That Is Wrong With Everything in the World, he was our boy. He was only able to gather the might he ended up gathering because we gave it to him. And yes, we knew how brutal he was and that he didn't much care for us.

(This is where you do that moussy-hair flip and say, "Whut-EVARRR"...)

At least four instances where the world was brought to the brink of nuclear armageddon, including the showdown over the Soviet downing of a Korean Airlines passenger jet.

President Reagan was elected with the help of the Religious Right and Big Oil. The Federal Alternative Energy Program was scuttled, because the President believes that there is enough oil to last indefinitely, and if not "there's always good ol' American coal". Socially, the stage was set for the Religious Right's domination of American politics, and for the rise of the Megachurch. You are currently reaping the benefits of both the Reagan energy strategy and the Religious Right's pillorying of the Constitution, Civil Liberties and the American education system. Both are being played out in Iraq as we speak.

The Iran-Contra scandal. In short, it was the Reagan administration's attempt to fund covert counterrevolutionary actions in Nicaragua after Congress cut off further funding, rightly recognizing that the United States had no right to interfere with the legally elected government of a another sovriegn nation, no matter how badly we disliked their leader or the form of government the country chose. Congress was also wise to assume that further meddling in Central American affairs could lead to a situation similar to that experienced in Vietnam. Not to be deterred, the Reagan administration began looking for other sources of income to fund operations Congress had deemed illegal. It was found by selling guns to Iran, a nation we had designated a rogue state, that was sympathetic to terrorist groups, and had vowed to destroy us. Once the enterprise was discovered, the conservative element in this country instructed the nation that it was our patriotic duty to look the other way. Hearings were convened to determine just how badly the Constitution had been violated by the Executive Branch disregarding Congressional oversight anddirectly breaking the law by disobeying legislation that forbade our country from giving any more money to the counterrevolutionary element in Nicaragua.

Ultimately, the plan was to raise enough money to finance a full-on covert invasion of Nicaragua, stage a coup, and replace the quite Marxist Daniel Ortega with someone a little more to President Reagan's liking, like say, f'rinstance, the military dictatorship he installed in El Salvador...

The very same kind of nation-building is being attempted unsuccessfully in Iraq, though not through covert means. In order to get Congress to play ball, the Bush administration realized the best way to go about regime change was with Congressional go-ahead. The best way to get that was to lie about a nonexistant imminent threat.

And don't even get me started on the antics perpetrated on Wall Street during that time. Suffice it to say, the Enron and Tyco debacles have their roots in similar goings on during the 80's, starring the likes of Charles Keating, Ivan Boesky and John DeLorean.

While we were getting poodle cuts, wearing stirrup and parachute pants and doing the Safety Dance, those responsible for running things were setting the stage for the horrors we now find commonplace.

I hope the party was fun. We bought it then...we're paying now...

(Don't You Ever) Cut Your Hair

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 18:20:09 GMT

New Lyrics!

******************************************************************************

(Don't You Ever) Cut Your Hair

by Matt Channing

Wear a little makeup
A little liner for your eye
Put on a little lipstick
And some mascara, my-oh-my
You can keep on adding color
Coat by coat and layer by layer

But baby, don't you ever cut your hair

Put on a litte perfume
It'll make you smell real nice
Like a couple of daisies mating
In ambergris and spice
You could roll around in garbage
Or manure for all I care

But baby, don't you ever cut your hair

Try some different clothes on
I won't tell you how to dress
It's nothing in your wardrobe
That makes you look your best
It's nothing in your closet
That makes men stop and stare

So baby, don't you ever cut your hair....

Harry Potter and the One We've All Been Waiting For....

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 18:13:28 GMT

Well....

An era comes to a close, I guess. No matter what J.K. Rowling has in store for Harry and company, one thing is certain.

There will never be another Barnes and Noble Harry Potter Store Event.

The one on Friday was my second as an employee, and on the part of management, it was well-planned and well-organized. On the part of staff, it was well-executed.

On the customer side, almost everyone was happy, accomodating, patient, and aquiver with anticipation. There were no riots, no fights, no shouting (unless you count shouts of joy), and no lost children.

In short, the whole enterprise went off without a hitch.

That being said, I don't care if I ever speak to another human being again as long as I live....

Viva Banana!

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 13:43:37 GMT